i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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