all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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