so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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