my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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