So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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