before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
