oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You can't special order awesome
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
