this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
