She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
