I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
