He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Randomize
