you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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