Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
