if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
