these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
