Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
