wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
