If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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