I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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