They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
