so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize