I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
