Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
