We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Blow job season was short but glorious.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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