I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
