whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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