Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Hippo gnu deer
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
