Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
