Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
