I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
