Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
