I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
