then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
