i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
