drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
