I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
