God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
