Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
