During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
