Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
