guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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