C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
