You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
