you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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