guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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