Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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