haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
