who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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