I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
