thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize