I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
