My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
