Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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