I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
