he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
