I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
