It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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