I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
