Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize