The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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