Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize