I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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