he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
