We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
