Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize