It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
