What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
